We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
