Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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