I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
