I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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