turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
