He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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