your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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