I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wow bdsm is so cute
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
