Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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