Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
