I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
