you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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