If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
