I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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