My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
