i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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