I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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