4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
