dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We have started to decorate penises.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
