Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a search helicopter?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
