I cannot find my penis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
