Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
