I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
