clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
