How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
