alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
