i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
