you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
