Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
