Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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