i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
