it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
