just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
God, I missed his penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
