I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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