My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
