Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
