well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
