when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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