Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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