just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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