You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
