we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
