Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
