I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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