I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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