I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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