There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
