Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
