..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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