she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
