My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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