next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
