i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm like, not good at living.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
