You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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