I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
