I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
