someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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