today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
