If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
