im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue