Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
