Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
