Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

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(352): View more from Florida

Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.

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(440): View more from Ohio

The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.

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(614): View more from Ohio

This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue

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