Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
