So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home