Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
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i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.