I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
