I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
