My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
