Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
