she looked like the bat from fern gully.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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