In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
