dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
