is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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