you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
