Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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